Grandmother Loogie

NEW YORK, NY – Jan. 24, 2010 – My grandmother could hawk a loogie the size of a baseball.

She and my grandfather lived out on a farm and my sister and I were sent there for a couple of weeks every summer. I never knew exactly why. Probably so Mother and Dad could chase each other around the house naked.

Or maybe not.

My sister and I would giggle as we heard grandmother standing at the back door in the morning. There were no neighbors within a quarter of a mile so there were no social niceties to observe.

There’d be a big wind-up. Then a “HAWWWWWK!” It came from so deep inside that it gurgled. Then a gigantic “PA-TOOOOEY!” And it hit the grass with a loud splat. Well, so I imagined, anyway.

When we got back home, my sister and I would imitate grandmother. Mother, ever the peacemaker, chided us, “Now children, don’t make fun of grandmother. One of these days, you’ll be doing that.”

How did she know? Was it a curse?

Excuse me now. I gotta go do something.

HAWWWWWK!

Copyright 2010 James C. Lewis